L'esprit de L'escalier

A lot of people say nights are the hardest, that that's when they feel their loneliest. But for me, that's not how it works.

I notice I'm lonely at 7 am when the sunlight shines through my blinds and hits my sleeping eyes as I cover my head with my white sheet and try to forget that there's a world outside where you and I aren't together.

I notice I'm lonely at 10 am, when everything is still silent around me and I try to think of a reason to get out of bed.

I notice I'm lonely at 12 pm when I'm waiting for my toast to pop and the smell of sunshine and earl grey make me think of you.

I think about you a lot.

I notice I'm lonely at 3 pm when I try to think of a reason to get dressed and get out of the house, but there's no one to visit.

I notice I'm lonely at 5 pm when I read love poems and have no one to say to "this reminded me of you".

I notice I'm lonely at 8 pm when I look in the mirror and I get scared by the emptiness I see in my eyes.

I think about you a lot.

I notice I'm lonely at 1 am when I go to bed and there's no sign of someone else in it.

I notice I'm lonely at 3 am when I can't fall asleep and have no one to talk to.

I notice I'm lonely at 5 am when I cry into my pillow as if that were the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken.

I think about you a lot.

I notice I'm lonely with every beating and every ticking, every beating and every ticking, every beating and every ticking. My heart and my watch working together to remind me of how fucking lonely I truly am.